This Burning I Feel
by BarthVader
Summary: Marie tries to apologize to Edd, as her conscience finally begins to catch up. Cover art by Erumaren-Ainulindale. Part two of The Regret Tetralogy.


**This is tied in with "Can't Sleep". I suggest reading that story first. It's on my deviantArt (/art/Can-t-Sleep-394758858) and on my fanfiction dot net profile. It also contains a few references to my other works, but you don't have to know them.**

**For the record, _italics _represent Marie's inner monologue.**

**Cover by Erumaren-Ainulindale.**

**EEnE belongs to somebody else. I don't know who, I didn't watch a single episode, but Kevin and Edd are soooooo sexy, my OTP forever. *female masturbation sounds*.**

It was a cold, quiet night in the suburbs of Peach Creek.

The streets were devoid of life, only a broken lamppost blinked from time to time. Everybody was in their houses, sleeping, gaining strength to face another day.

Well, almost everybody.

A teenage girl was creeping towards the house at the end of the street. She wore a one-size-too-small black tank top, dark green trousers with a mismatched pink belt and black shoes. Despite being only fourteen, her hair were dyed a dark shade of blue. A fringe covered her right eye.

The girl approached the house, and began climbing the drain pipe. The boy she wanted to visit had left an open window in his room, so any other mean of entrance was either too loud or too complicated. She climbed one storey up, grabbed the windowsill and pulled herself up to enter the room. Then she moved the fringe to cover her left eye. The other one was adapted to the darkness, so she was able to avoid tripping over anything on the room.

Marie approached Edd's bed, grabbed his arm and began to gently tug him.

"Double D... Wake up, Double D..." she whispered.

"Huh... wha-, Mar..." the boy opened his eyes and noticed his unwanted guest's silhouette. "...Marie!"

"Okay, I know how it looks like..."

Not waiting for her to finish, the boy tossed the quilt aside, sprung out of the bed and ran out of the room.

The girl felt a little sting in her heart. She half-expected a reaction like that though. After all, it was around 3 AM and she wasn't exactly welcome here. She took the coverlet off herself and stepped outside the room.

"Okay, listen up." she said loudly, walking around the corridor. "I come in peace. No forced making out, double entendres or whatever sick things you think are on my mind now."

She took a deep breath and exhaled, again, loud enough to be heard.

"I want to talk. Yeah, it's late at night, and I know you think I'm a perverted bisexual trollop or something. I just need to get a few things out of my system... and most of them are related to you."

Edd peeped out from one of the rooms. He was wearing a light yellow footed pyjamas and a black hat.

"...I don't think about you like that."

"Doesn't matter." The girl slightly raised her hands. "I just wanna talk..., if you're okay with that, of course." she added.

The boy stepped out.

"Well, while the hour is, um, quite unorthodox," he stretched a bit, "I do not see anything wrong with having a civilized discussion. Though I would prefer a change of surroundings."

"Eddese to English."

"Let's go to the kitchen." The boy gestured uneasily. "Shall we?"

Marie nodded and went first, moving her fringe back. Edd followed her.

_So far, great. He's willing to listen to me for a moment. I sit down, we talk, I apologize and tell him why, handshake, and I'm out. Easy as pie._

The duo entered the kitchen. Edd turned on the lights and pointed at the table.

"Sit down please, I will prepare something to eat."

"Oh, Double D, you don't really need to..."

"You are my guest, Marie. It's not a problem." the boy interrupted her, opening the fridge and pulling out a board with a hunk of ham on it. "I'll just make a few sandwiches."

The girl surrendered and sat down.

_I don't get this guy. Always so polite, so cultural. I could've probably stabbed him in the chest and he'd apologize for bleeding on my knife._

"OW! Curses..."

Marie raised her head to notice Edd hissing, holding his hand, and a small crimson drop going down his palm.

_Speak of the devil._

"You cut your hand?"

"No, I just like to wince in pain for no apparent reason." he spat. "Could you please open the first cupboard on the right and pass on a first aid kit?" he added, more politely.

The girl followed suit. She grabbed a small bag of medical supplies, found in the cupboard Edd pointed at, and gave it to the boy.

"Now, this isn't a serious wound." he stated, bandaging himself, "but nevertheless it isn't a pleasant experience."

The girl hid the meat and pulled out a bottle of coke out of the fridge.

"You know what, let's just have a drink. Preferably from plastic cups."

"I cannot do anything right." Edd muttered to himself, but the girl didn't hear that. She was looking for some mugs in the cupboards, thinking how odd it was that the second person that night had cut her hand.

_First, Lee and the mirror, now Edd and the knife. I need to watch my own fingers._

She grabbed a mug with e^(π_i_)+1=0 written on it, and another one, with first few hundreds digits of the number π, and poured the drink into them. Then, she gave one of them to Edd and sat down.

"Well," she started, "we never were on good terms."

"You should be crowned as the queen of understatements." the boy said, taking a sip from his mug.

"Anyway," the girl went on, slightly surprised by Edd's bitterness, "after the thing with Eddy's brother I sat down and started thinking about who I am and what am I doing with my life."

The boy loudly put his mug down, with a scowl on his face.

"Can we skip to the part when you mock me for believing your story and then rape me?"

"I've never stolen more than first base!" Marie reacted. Even with her questionable morals, that's the line she wouldn't cross.

"Not yet." the boy answered emotionlessly. "But, given your upbringing, it's a matter of time."

Marie was about to give him a piece of his mind, when a little thought lingered in her head.

_Why do you think he sees you as a potential rapist? Why? _

_Maybe it's because you were sexually harassing him for the past year?_

_You pervert._

The girl blindly stared into empty space for a few seconds. The boy realized he insulted the girl and lowered his head his shame.

"M-my apologies. I should refrain from saying that."

The girl snapped out of her trance and noticed Edd looking down. The meaning of his words slowly began sinking in.

_What the fuck is going on? He never was __that__ bitter towards me. Hell, he never was bitter towards me, period._

_I need to break this fucking silence._

"Does your hand still hurts?"

"No, it's not that." the boy replied. "The cut wasn't deep, I forgot I have a dressing on my palm."

"Then what's wrong?" Marie asked. She began feeling a small burning inside her. "Even after that Friendship Day shit you weren't as pissed at me as you are now."

"Don't worry. It's not related to you." Edd said.

"What is it, Double D? I mean, you won, you got your happy ending, you got praised as a bloody hero."

The boy let out a big sigh.

"Yes, this is all truth..., but there is something that troubles me."

"Parents?"

"No, no, no." the boy reassured. "True, Mother and Father leave house early and return late at night or not all all on weekdays, but we keep communicating via phone calls and sticky notes. And they always have free weekends."

"So, what is it?"

"I don't want to tell... It just seems... so..." he struggled to find the right word, "...absurd."

"Aw c'mon, like I'm going to laugh at your misery."

Edd gave her the blank stare.

_I need to choose my words carefully._

"Not this time, promise." she reassured, showing her hands to prove she wasn't crossing her fingers.

The boy sighed again and put his palm on his forehead.

"You see... when we were carried away by a cheering crowd, I stumbled into an... unusual conclusion."

"Which is..."

An unusually long pause followed. Marie began looking around nervously so as to avoid staring at the boy all the time.

"...do you remember how did our, ahem, encounter with Eddy's brother went?" Edd broke the silence.

Marie raised an eyebrow. "Is that a trick question?"

"Not at all." Edd replied. "If you will provide a recap yourself, it will be easier for me to illustrate my point."

"Okay then. So, you got to the bastard – and don't correct me, I'm not going to call him otherwise..."

"Truth be told, I don't mind."

"...then me and my sisters arrived with the jock, the farmer and the blondie tied up, – I'm not good with names – then they freed themselves 'cause I messed up the knots, and then Eddy went 'Ha, F you, I won.' and knocked on the bastard's trailer. Right?"

The boy nodded.

"The bastard stepped out, said he will help you, and then started beating the shit out of Eddy. Fucker. When sibling asks you for help, you help him, no questions about that. But anyway, you protest, and get beaten as well. Ed knocks him out in the most awesome way possible, Eddy cries and says sorry. You get accepted, we drag the bastard to the trailer, end credits."

"Yes, that how it all happened." Edd nodded again.

"...what's wrong with that?"

Edd lowered his head. "A hint: what did I do there?"

Marie began thinking. "Arrived, got beaten, got accepted... not much..."

"That's right." the boy was still looking down, and his voice was barely audible. "The whole turn of events was unaffected by me. As-freaking-usual."

The girl still wasn't quite sure what Edd was talking about.

"No matter what I do, whether it's morally good or not, whether I think this through or not, whether I care or not, the final outcome is always unaffected by me."

He raised his head.

"If you, May and Lee hadn't dragged everyone to witness the sociopathy of Eddy's brother, we would have remained outcasts." the boy's voice became harsh. "More to the point, if it wasn't for Ed breaking out and escaping our pursuers, the journey would be over before it started, as we would be mob-lynched by our peers."

The burning in the girl's soul was getting more intense.

"I'm just a millstone, Marie. A goddamn deadweight who cannot change anything even if his life would depend on it... My fate is fully dependent on other people's choices. I'm just a pathetic loser... a waste of oxygen... a piece of..."

Edd's voice became unhearable as he continued haranguing about his worth, or lack thereof. Marie looked down, and another thought appeared in her mind.

_Look up._

_What, don't want to look now? C'mon, face the music! Watch the show!_

The burning in her heart became unbearable. A small tear dropped from her right eye.

_You've had your fun, dropping perverted double entendres, ruining his hard work, humiliating him in front of everyone? So why you don't want to look now?!_

_Marie..._

_Watch and despair, you dumb bitch! You've broken him! Ask your sister to lend you a knife, 'cause in a few days you will cut his rope! Are you proud now?_

_Marie... _

_ARE YOU?!_

"Marie!"

The girl felt someone subtly shaking her arm. She raised her head and noticed Edd standing in front of her.

"Wh-what's wrong Marie? A-are you crying? Hold a second, I'll get some tissues."

_And he's still standing in front of you, worried. Out of you two, who's the waste of oxygen?_

"Neither of us." she whispered.

"What?"

The girl stood up and turned the boy towards her.

_I'm going to do something. I'm not gonna to wait for shit to hit the fan. No. Fucking. Way._

"I am not worthless." she said firmly. "Repeat."

"Um, what?" Edd replied, dumbfounded.

"I am not worthless." the girl echoed, slower. "Repeat that, three times."

"Erm, okay. I am not worthless."

This was said out of necessity, so as to not anger the girl in front of him.

"I am not worthless."

His tone changed in an almost unnoticeable way.

"...I am not worthless."

Now an extremely subtle hint of confidence appeared in his voice. He started believing in what he was saying.

"Great."

Marie pulled him closer and looked him straight in the eyes.

"You are talented as hell, polite, have a moral code and some backbone. You had just an incredibly rotten luck, but it will change, I'm sure about that. That karma will balance at some point, I know that...You will change this fucking world... And I... "

She lowered her head for a second, then back up.

_Firm, confident. I cannot look down. __Not now._

"I'm sorry, Double D." she said, loudly and clearly. "I'm sorry for being a perverted fuckwit."

"Um, I accept your apology, I guess." Edd replied, surprised a bit by the girl's speech.

She released the boy and he took a step back. They stared at each other for a few seconds, before the boy broke the silence.

"Um, and why were you crying?"

"Who, me?"

At this point Marie realized there are tears dropping down her face. She quickly wiped them off. "It's nothing, I had something in the eye."

The boy looked at her with disbelief.

"Look, don't mention this to anyone, okay?" the girl asked "Just... a moment of weakness on my part."

"My lips are sealed." the boy replied tactfully.

Then, a telephone rang.

"Quite odd." Edd remarked "Who would want to make a phone call so late at night?"

He walked to the phone and pressed the button marked 'LDSPK',

"Double D?" a low female voice said on the other side.

"Who's that?" the boy asked, slightly nervous.

"Lee Kanker. Have you seen my sisters?"

Edd glanced at the blue-haired girl. "Um, well, Marie is standing next to me at the moment. You can talk to her if you wish. As for May, no, I haven't seen her."

"Bloody fuck." the redhead muttered.

"She was at home when I left." her sister said.

"Now she isn't."

"Aw come on!" a familiar voice could be heard in the background. "You went to my house, Marie is at Edd's, guess where the fuck could May be."

"Eddy?" the slim boy was confused about the turn of events.

"Yeah, it's me, long story..."

"Okay, I'll call Ed's house. You know the number?" Lee asked.

"I know." the short boy said.

"Awesome. Double D, can Marie stay at your place for the night?"

"You're overreacting." Eddy and Marie said at once.

"Well, my parents are absent, and I don't mind, as long as she will respect my personal space."

"I'll take that as a yes. I owe you one, Double D." After saying that, the redhead hung up.

The blue-haired girl turned to the boy "So, do you mind me sleeping on your couch?"

"Not at all. Wait a moment, I will bring some bedclothes and a nightgown."

Marie sighed.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Kankers' trailer, Eddy was dialling Ed's home number on Lee's phone. The girl was holding the receiver in her hand.

"...six, three."

"You sure it's the right one?" the girl asked.

"One hundred per cent." he replied.

The girl put the receiver to her ear. After hearing two dial tones, a voice on the other end exclaimed: "The number you're trying to reach is currently unavailable."

"Fuck."

"Hold on, I gotta go to the toilet." Eddy stood up.

"Yeah, whatever." She hit the 'redial' button, and after a second she heard the same prerecorded message again.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." she muttered.

"Um, Lee..."

She turned to the boy, who was now standing in front of the bathroom entrance, pale.

"...what the fuck is this?" he said, subconsciously putting his palm on the handle of his knife.

Lee silently approached him and looked over his shoulder.

Shards of glass were lying scattered on the floor. A piece of mirror was dangling on the wall. There were a few drips of blood on the shards, the wall where the mirror used to be, and the sink. Overall, the bathroom looked a bit like a place from a cheap slasher movie.

"Well, this requires a little explanation, doesn't it?"

The boy spun around, unsheathing the kukri, and pointed his weapon at the girl.

"Y-yes. Yes it does!" Eddy stammered. "The blood, the shards, the mirror, the blood..."

"Calm down." the girl interrupted him.

"...there's blood here, May is missing, you have a bandage..."

Lee slapped the boy in the face.

"I. Am. Not. A. Psycho. This blood is mine." She sighed, grabbing a broom. "Understanding this requires a few details I wanted to omit, but at this point I don't really care. Now hide the butter knife and listen to me for a second."

**Yes, the reader is supposed to feel sorry for Marie to some extent. I'm a little bit of a hypocrite, being a person who always complains about that in shipping fics. Keep in mind though: She isn't tormented by anyone besides her own conscience (which has _a lot_ to catch up). She tries to remain collected instead of breaking down in tears and clinging to Edd's arm for comfort. She doesn't get a Freudian free pass. She doesn't give up, she tries to fix the damage she'd caused. _And she regrets turning Edd's life into living hell. _Way too few people write her regretting without blaming an outside source.**

**Yes, Edd doesn't mention his few successes (like the merry-go-round bit from the BPS), but I think I made it clear this guy needs a therapist. From my own experiences, people in his shoes wouldn't notice all the good stuff and focus on the fuck-ups. Plus, he's the overreacting type. Other than that, I really don't want to follow the usual route of blaming his parents for all that's wrong in his life and wrote them as caring if not always present (and not fully aware of their son's life). Come to think of it, those bloody sticky notes are the most consistent form of parent-child communication in this show.**

**And yes, I won't pass an opportunity to mock Kevedd fangirls. I'm not anti-yaoi or anti-gay, just anti-cliché and anti-bullshit. Kevedd is ripe with the former, and the latter is a staple of most shipping fics. **


End file.
